LOVE IS BLIND

A friend of mine who works at the Veterans hospital recently had an old, dirty man hit on her with what I think is one of the best come-ons ever, “I’ve got cataracts in both my eyes...but, baby, you have opened my eyes!” As much as these words of brilliance made me chuckle, it also made my heart bleed in sorrow. It got me thinking:

If love can make a be-cataracted man see—why does it make the rest of us go blind?

Why does it make the most observant and discerning of us become farsighted, ignoring the glaring signs staring us in the face (problems that, mind you, would usually that send us to go running into the night), and instead focus on the rosy futures we predict for ourselves?

Why does all rationale and logic go flying out of the window, so we create fictional realities for ourselves, doing away with the requisite and necessary “waiting periods”? (Like all dangerous weapons and substances, there should be a MANDATORY waiting period before falling in love.)

What is it about love, or even the mere IDEA of love, that makes people go against their better judgment, to delude themselves and, like Oedipus, gouge out their own eyes to make them blind to the inevitable fates that await them?

I wish I knew. A few months ago, I had (again) become the sacrificial lamb, throwing myself onto the altar of love, having my heart ripped out and tossed into the greedy flames of loneliness, despair, and desolation. I remind myself of the lemmings who, every year, hurl themselves to a watery death. Will I never learn?

It got me thinking of the phrase “love is blind”. What does it really mean? Is it the schmaltzy tribute to the sweet, unconditional acceptance of someone-faults and all? A contention that true love is something beyond looks and impediments? Whatever it may be, the phrase petrifies me to the core. I mean, isn’t love hard enough without the additional handicap of blindness?

I actually don't think of it as a sweet phrase. Love is hardly blind. As evidenced by the flurry of postings re: looks of the desi man/woman, love is fucking 20/20 vision. All one has to do is peruse the myriad of matrimonial ads clogging any desi paper. I know, I know-these ads are not true LOVE, but rather the human trade equivalent of some greasy moustached man outside Lal Qila trying to hawk stolen auto parts poorly disguised with a coat of fresh paint. But it can be argued that these ads are representative of what we, as a warped and dysfunctional society, would choose with eyes open.

Fair, slim, beautiful...these seem to be the pervasive qualities that will fetch a high price on the desi marriage market. WHERE are the qualities that actually a good relationship make? My father fears for my stock on the marriage market...given my smart ass ways and outspoken nature, he feels that I will end up the proverbial Worldcom, with people running to sell and fearful to buy. For some reason, good wives and mothers aren't supposed to have opinions...but, hey, that's another blog for another time.

Not that the Western counterparts of the desi meat market ads are any better: Funny, confident, handsome, romantic seem to be on top of the pedestrian dreamlist. Women who write things like, "I want a man to sweep me off my feet..." seriously make me cringe and make me want to shake them out of their Bollywood dreams into reality. Ladies: a hint: If you are swept off your feet--you know where you end up? ON YOUR ASS, THAT'S WHERE!!

Let's face the facts though. These ads ARE nothing short of a Big Tobacco type fraud on the public. In fact, I have known many an internet dater to be deep in smit with a virtual heartthrob...and pay the requisite lip service to 'oh-looks don't matter'...only to be let down upon meeting them in the flesh. The 'love is blind' phrase is just pure unadulterated bullshit. Whether in the virtual or real world, looks matter and we, imperfect flawed creatures that we are, still maintain that kernel of egoism in thinking that we deserve nothing but a perfect looking mate.

Yes-I sound like a bitter hag. But I am anything but. In fact, this posting has sat in my posting box, collecting dust and mold for the past few months, lest my blog smack of envy and cynicism. This weekend though, something set me off and I decided to analyze my own thoughts, as well as those of the world. And it got me wondering: Given the perils of blind ignorance of a no-go type scenario or pretending that we are above and beyond the pettiness of our looks obsessed society (not to mention the less-than-savory aftermath of such situations)...then why, oh WHY do we then rush to be in LOVE?

We delude ourselves much of the time...even when it is not the real thing. We know better--but love we must. We are addicted...love junkies if you will. We need twelve step programs to detox and regain a firmer grip on reality. Like any drug, it is a form of escapism. But maybe that is exactly what we need.

In my own life, I know that I have an overload of real; and I find myself, when inundated with the daily onslaught of life's complications, longing for that something that makes me smile and can make my reality seem like a paradise rather than a bleak series of disappointments with no conceivable end in sight. Love does just that. It is the ultimate high and renders all else meaningless and unimportant. I crave that feeling and would compromise all other facets of my life in order to have it in my life again.

It is precisely the force of love that makes us withstand intolerable situations and draw endless amounts of strength from the reservoirs within. I read an article once about a group of young women in a refugee camp. In this camp, where the devastated population had lost their lives and identities and had a whole litany of things to worry about, many of the young women still spent most of their time gossiping about love. Though they had lost everything, they had everything to gain in love. Even in the face of utter and complete devastation, getting a smile from a crush made anything possible. And thoughts of them trumped all else. It is human to love; it is inherent and intertwined with the very fabric of our being. We MUST love.

I know that many of you will now write and ask, minx, what is your stance? Are you the cynical hag or the starry eyed dreamer? I would like to think I am both. In true minx style, I have contradicted myself and with good reason. Yes-I don't agree with the commonplace meaning of 'love is blind'. That would be too delusional even for even good ol' Don Quixote. The realist in me, the one who has lived in this world long enough, knows better than to think that love will always overcome the obstacles of life...and that people are not brainwashed by the superficiality that infects our society like a noxious disease.

But at the same time, I can't help but remember that I felt that way once-that I could and would do anything for the sake of love. And how I would love to feel that way again...

Love does make you blind--but in the best of ways. It makes you blind to the sham and drudgery of the world. It makes you blind to the cruelty and intolerance. And it manages to bring out the best in all of us. It makes us all eternal optimists and can make the most heartless of us see beauty all around. It makes the banalities of the world seem extraordinary, and the commonplace magical. If love can make all this happen, why would someone not open their arms and welcome it in for some tea? Good question.

I urge you all: leave practicality and reality for others-for the world was never changed by realists. It has always been the dreamers who have made this world a wondrous place and have overturned our realities time and time again. Be a Galileo or a Van Gogh. Madness is also genius, and idealism is worship of the divine. Logic and rationale have their place, but should not be your guide in life. So, my friends, dare to dream and let your hearts be your seeing eye dogs guiding you through this perilous world. And let love make your worlds rosy again.