LOVE IS BLIND

A friend of mine who works at the Veterans hospital recently had an old, dirty man hit on her with what I think is one of the best come-ons ever, “I’ve got cataracts in both my eyes...but, baby, you have opened my eyes!” As much as these words of brilliance made me chuckle, it also made my heart bleed in sorrow. It got me thinking:

If love can make a be-cataracted man see—why does it make the rest of us go blind?

Why does it make the most observant and discerning of us become farsighted, ignoring the glaring signs staring us in the face (problems that, mind you, would usually that send us to go running into the night), and instead focus on the rosy futures we predict for ourselves?

Why does all rationale and logic go flying out of the window, so we create fictional realities for ourselves, doing away with the requisite and necessary “waiting periods”? (Like all dangerous weapons and substances, there should be a MANDATORY waiting period before falling in love.)

What is it about love, or even the mere IDEA of love, that makes people go against their better judgment, to delude themselves and, like Oedipus, gouge out their own eyes to make them blind to the inevitable fates that await them?

I wish I knew. A few months ago, I had (again) become the sacrificial lamb, throwing myself onto the altar of love, having my heart ripped out and tossed into the greedy flames of loneliness, despair, and desolation. I remind myself of the lemmings who, every year, hurl themselves to a watery death. Will I never learn?

It got me thinking of the phrase “love is blind”. What does it really mean? Is it the schmaltzy tribute to the sweet, unconditional acceptance of someone-faults and all? A contention that true love is something beyond looks and impediments? Whatever it may be, the phrase petrifies me to the core. I mean, isn’t love hard enough without the additional handicap of blindness?

I actually don't think of it as a sweet phrase. Love is hardly blind. As evidenced by the flurry of postings re: looks of the desi man/woman, love is fucking 20/20 vision. All one has to do is peruse the myriad of matrimonial ads clogging any desi paper. I know, I know-these ads are not true LOVE, but rather the human trade equivalent of some greasy moustached man outside Lal Qila trying to hawk stolen auto parts poorly disguised with a coat of fresh paint. But it can be argued that these ads are representative of what we, as a warped and dysfunctional society, would choose with eyes open.

Fair, slim, beautiful...these seem to be the pervasive qualities that will fetch a high price on the desi marriage market. WHERE are the qualities that actually a good relationship make? My father fears for my stock on the marriage market...given my smart ass ways and outspoken nature, he feels that I will end up the proverbial Worldcom, with people running to sell and fearful to buy. For some reason, good wives and mothers aren't supposed to have opinions...but, hey, that's another blog for another time.

Not that the Western counterparts of the desi meat market ads are any better: Funny, confident, handsome, romantic seem to be on top of the pedestrian dreamlist. Women who write things like, "I want a man to sweep me off my feet..." seriously make me cringe and make me want to shake them out of their Bollywood dreams into reality. Ladies: a hint: If you are swept off your feet--you know where you end up? ON YOUR ASS, THAT'S WHERE!!

Let's face the facts though. These ads ARE nothing short of a Big Tobacco type fraud on the public. In fact, I have known many an internet dater to be deep in smit with a virtual heartthrob...and pay the requisite lip service to 'oh-looks don't matter'...only to be let down upon meeting them in the flesh. The 'love is blind' phrase is just pure unadulterated bullshit. Whether in the virtual or real world, looks matter and we, imperfect flawed creatures that we are, still maintain that kernel of egoism in thinking that we deserve nothing but a perfect looking mate.

Yes-I sound like a bitter hag. But I am anything but. In fact, this posting has sat in my posting box, collecting dust and mold for the past few months, lest my blog smack of envy and cynicism. This weekend though, something set me off and I decided to analyze my own thoughts, as well as those of the world. And it got me wondering: Given the perils of blind ignorance of a no-go type scenario or pretending that we are above and beyond the pettiness of our looks obsessed society (not to mention the less-than-savory aftermath of such situations)...then why, oh WHY do we then rush to be in LOVE?

We delude ourselves much of the time...even when it is not the real thing. We know better--but love we must. We are addicted...love junkies if you will. We need twelve step programs to detox and regain a firmer grip on reality. Like any drug, it is a form of escapism. But maybe that is exactly what we need.

In my own life, I know that I have an overload of real; and I find myself, when inundated with the daily onslaught of life's complications, longing for that something that makes me smile and can make my reality seem like a paradise rather than a bleak series of disappointments with no conceivable end in sight. Love does just that. It is the ultimate high and renders all else meaningless and unimportant. I crave that feeling and would compromise all other facets of my life in order to have it in my life again.

It is precisely the force of love that makes us withstand intolerable situations and draw endless amounts of strength from the reservoirs within. I read an article once about a group of young women in a refugee camp. In this camp, where the devastated population had lost their lives and identities and had a whole litany of things to worry about, many of the young women still spent most of their time gossiping about love. Though they had lost everything, they had everything to gain in love. Even in the face of utter and complete devastation, getting a smile from a crush made anything possible. And thoughts of them trumped all else. It is human to love; it is inherent and intertwined with the very fabric of our being. We MUST love.

I know that many of you will now write and ask, minx, what is your stance? Are you the cynical hag or the starry eyed dreamer? I would like to think I am both. In true minx style, I have contradicted myself and with good reason. Yes-I don't agree with the commonplace meaning of 'love is blind'. That would be too delusional even for even good ol' Don Quixote. The realist in me, the one who has lived in this world long enough, knows better than to think that love will always overcome the obstacles of life...and that people are not brainwashed by the superficiality that infects our society like a noxious disease.

But at the same time, I can't help but remember that I felt that way once-that I could and would do anything for the sake of love. And how I would love to feel that way again...

Love does make you blind--but in the best of ways. It makes you blind to the sham and drudgery of the world. It makes you blind to the cruelty and intolerance. And it manages to bring out the best in all of us. It makes us all eternal optimists and can make the most heartless of us see beauty all around. It makes the banalities of the world seem extraordinary, and the commonplace magical. If love can make all this happen, why would someone not open their arms and welcome it in for some tea? Good question.

I urge you all: leave practicality and reality for others-for the world was never changed by realists. It has always been the dreamers who have made this world a wondrous place and have overturned our realities time and time again. Be a Galileo or a Van Gogh. Madness is also genius, and idealism is worship of the divine. Logic and rationale have their place, but should not be your guide in life. So, my friends, dare to dream and let your hearts be your seeing eye dogs guiding you through this perilous world. And let love make your worlds rosy again.

HATE MAIL/HATE MALE

Greeting cats and kittens!

Sorry for missing last week's posting; there is a lot happening in my life and I might be MIA for extended periods of time. Instead of a rant properly written by me, I am publishing an email exhange that I had with a disgruntled and unhinged reader who plagiarized my stellar work. Please feel free to rant and rave with abandon and spam him into oblivion!

FASCIST READER WRITES:
your writing is a bit of a pain in the ass to read. i don't mean to be harsh, but i think you're smart and/or tough enough to take it. the themes are interesting, but eyes get tired. it's simply over-written, and while i'm sure it appeals to the average reader who doesn't expect much, you have too many words in each sentence for someone whose name isn't william faulkner. i'm attaching an example of over-written writing that works on any number of levels.

and for what it's worth, perhaps not much, indian guys may be dorks, but 97% of indian girls aren't much to sneeze at, either. (ATTACHES A LONG RAMBLING WRITING SAMPLE)

FASCIST READER immediately emails again, stating:
definitely good enough for me to plagiarize, though. thanks.

OutrageousMinx reply:

ummm...not really sure how to reply. first, thanks for reading, i guess. i hope you continue to do so. second, i hope you do realize that i write like this for a reason. in my profession, i have on a straightjacket in terms of what i can write. i am tough enough to take it; and your comments are duly noted and appreciated. however, there is a reason for the incorrect grammar, verbosity, and free license with punctuation.

i write the way i talk, and i am usually on auto-rant. i suppose you would have to know me and all to fully grasp how ME this blog is. besides, the first posting is verbatim an email i wrote to a friend. this blog has evolved and gained readers...but i still need to be me...i hope you understand. that said, i will try to make it more reader friendly. and my final point, i have never said i am against indian guys. hang tight...i am going to go after the abcd girls and also explain my preference for fobs vs.abcd guys soon enough.

i don't actually have a preference, but everyone seems to be up in arms...fobs and abcd alike. besides, there is no reason to go after indian girls because i have poked fun at some desi guys. if it is a personal preference, so be it. all i can say is keep reading...you'll get the much anticipated desi girl rant soon enough.

-minx-


FASCIST READER wrote:

yeah, i just meant that like...indian guys are often the way they are because you, being an indian girl, have no idea what it's like to be completely marginalized in a culture. i find it shocking how asian girls, in particular, are full of so much self-hate and such, when they'd probably commit suicide along with indian girls if they had to deal with 1/10th of the racial stuff the males have to deal with.

now, i certainly realize that this doesn't change the fact that indian guys are dorks, but i just don't find indian girls all that attractive. they're incredibly hairy from eyebrows to arm hair to who knows what lurks down below, as I've never so much as kissed an indian girl. in recent years, i've started feeling guilty that american girls probably only like me because i have white skin and such, but then i realized that indian girls like me for the *exact* same reason.

at least american girls like me because i'm cool and sweet at the same time. i'm attaching pictures of the three girlfriends i've had. the first is current, the second is indian (please don't call her trashy; this is the most risque she's ever dressed, and she goes to harvard law and i'm stupid so i don't complain, and the third is my h.s. sweetheart.)

thing is, indian girls, be it family friends or whoever, get pissed because all the seriously hot indian guys (not that i can call myself even marginally hot with a straight face) end up with american girls. thing is, when i hear indian girls knock indian guys for being dorks, given the fact that i view indian girls as being boring, not too bright, and talent-less, it makes me not want to even give them a chance. I don't know.

the valentine's day thing was good. that's what i stole. thank you for it.
(FASCIST READER ACTUALLY ATTACHES PICS OF THREE VERY PRETTY GIRLS...NONE OF WHICH, I AM SURE, WOULD APPRECIATE THEIR PICS BEING IMMORTALIZED IN CYBERSPACE. FRIENDS HAVE DOUBTED WHETHER THESE ARE ACTUALLY GIRLFRIENDS OF FASCIST...I'D LIKE TO GIVE HIM THE BENEFIT OF A DOUBT)

OutrageousMinx wrote in response:

hi-okay- a few things:
*please do not plagiarize my stuff...i am not sure what you are talking about when you said that you 'stole' my valentine's article...but please do not. it is (in whatever lame-ass form you believe it to be) still MY blog and they are my musings on the world. I don't mind if you allude to it or even encourage others to read...but please give me credit. it is my craft and (sometimes) my bread and butter, so please do not pass it off as your own.

*WHAT IS GOING ON??? why on earth are you sending me pics of your exes? what point is that supposed to prove? they are extremely attractive and all...but why are you sending this to me? i have never attacked you personally, so i cannot assume it is to prove that you are 'hot'.

plus, i would NEVER call anyone trashy. especially not a fellow minx. she is a gorgeous girl and should own it. some other bitchy indian girl (and they are in abundance) may call her that...but not me. i am not a judgmental person and this blog is done in pure fun.

like i said before, i have nothing against indian men--and certainly have nothing against YOU (though that is steadily changing as you continue to attack me). i certainly am NOT a self-loathing desi chick and i don't focus on the negativity in my own or others pasts.

also, i think it is very naive to say that an indian girl may not know what it is like to be marginalized in a culture. i think that sort of experience is not limited to desi men or even desis. the cruelty of being the odd man out and being picked on is universal. my personal choice is NOT to focus on the negative experiences of my life. i deal with some of it in the earlier articles, just for myself...but at the same time, i am extremely positive and don't tend to be serious in my blog.

*i have never said all indian guys are dorks. i have dated a number of them...some dorks, some not. i do have a penchant for tall, lanky and geeky...so there you go. nor do i limit my dating repertoire to desis. i am an equal opportunity dater. in fact, the love of my life was NOT desi. i know for a fact that people who go for me do so because of how i am and not because of fair skin and the like.

i also know that i have never ever made skin color/having an MD/having a certain type of car a prerequisite for a date. just like you, my indignant friend, i choose my mates based on some other criteria. there ARE many others who are not the narrow minded twits who give desi daters a bad name. there are those who actually base their opinions on something more substantial than what a man earns.

*not all indian girls are hairy. and many are obsessive compulsive about hair removal. if you don't like it. don't date it. no need to diss on them. seriously, why be so deliberately unkind and cruel? why inflict whatever angst you may have against others? i am not understanding your incessant need to diss on others. you may feel hate vibes from some desis who may see you with a non-desi girl, but it won't come from me.

hot indian guys end up with white women? really? last i checked, there were still plenty of hot indian guys still lsuting after their desi girls. i agree that there are many whiny-ass bitchy indian girls who complain about that sort of thing. i am not one of them. more power to those who find love. it is hard enough to find someone to make you blissfully happy--and if you limit yourself to your own incestuous dating pool, then you will (more likely than not) be shit out of luck.

*"given the fact that i view indian girls as being boring, not too bright, and talent-less, it makes me not want to even give them a chance"

ahem...i consider myself (and the few indian girlfriends i do have) to be neither boring nor talentless. i can hold my own in any debate and am extremely bright (both in the book smart sense, as well as wit).

i don't know who you are meeting and who you know, but clearly these people are sub par. i have met a fair number of annoying desis, fob and abcd alike, but i also know vivacious, interesting and creative desis who i choose to befriend.

some unwanted advice to you: STOP MEETING THESE PEOPLE. seriously, surround your self with people who bring something to your life...and stop complaining to me and comparing me with those people...i am not your whipping boy. take it out on someone who ACTUALLY attacks you, okay?

why am i responding to this? i really don't know, except to let you know that it is not fair to truly believe all desis to be alike. i do it on the blogsite...but i also do it in jest (which i think comes through). no one believes that i am a desi man hater or the like. i really hope you fall in with some cool desis to add toyour eclectic mix...if not, then i hope you find cool people of any nationality. i don't believe in hanging with only desis anyway.

-minx-

FACSIST READER WROTE:

that's fine; you defended yourself quite well, not that i should have placed you in a position to do so. i just think that by attacking any of us, you attacked all of us. again, not to say that you weren't well with in your right, given the fact that it's your opinion, and it's true, I just didn't think it was necessarily fair.

i just think it's sad that most indian boys get painted as dorks --sure, they are, but they haven't really had an opportunity, due to having blinders on or whatever, to figure out what works in this society, and I just think it's sad that any guy, meaning myself, who doesn't fit that stereotype, is automatically labeled by American and Indian girls as being "not Indian." I realize I'm being finnicky about it, but...well, for example, by labeling a woman as being a "strong woman", it automatically implies that women are, by definition, weak.

regarding the plagiarism, i had to hand in some writing for a friend's class, so i made some minor adjustments and sent it in. I got it back today with a B, so mission accomplished. yeah, it's a dick move, but shit happens. it's not like it was submitted to the baltimore sun or sacramento bee or whatever.

(A MINX ASIDE: HOW I WANTED TO BITCH SLAP THIS ASSWIPE!!! AM ALSO SURE THAT IF HE DIDN'T MAKE HIS MINOR CHANGES--IT WOULD HAVE BEEN AN 'A'.)

OutrageousMinx<outrageousminx@yahoo.com> wrote:

okay-for the last time...i did not attack ANYONE. it is not my opinion that indian guys are dorks...and if you actually were to read my posts properly, you would realize that. it is not fair for you to make such sweeping remarks without having done your research. if you feel attacked, it is b/c you are projecting someone else's wrath onto me.

i have not said indian guys are dorks ANYWHERE on my site. i have written about a sub-unit of the population, but have not EVER (like you have) made gross generalizations about anyone. in fact, i say time and time again how much i love desi men...especially the dorks.

please do not take any of my articles again for your own use. as you have accused desi girls of being talentless and devoid of any intellectual or witty thoughts, why do you take someone else's thoughts and pass them off as your own? and that too, those of a desi woman???

seriously, if that was an apology...you need to watch sesame street again. shit happens? is not like you used it in a paper? i really don't care where you used it...is not yours to use. i dunno...just please don't do it again. of course, this probably will cause you to run out and use all my material...but i am asking you nicely to cease and desist.

-minx-


FASCIST READER:
hm...obviously, i didn't read it properly. it seemed like you did make a gratuitous generalization. for that, i apologize.

and i'm sorry i stole you your writing; if it makes you feel any better, it's only because i just had to jot down a few thoughts on "cultural politics", and it fit perfectly, with a few minor adjustments. and relax, i was plagiarized in this book "middlesex", which is a pretty high-falootin'
book, to say the least. consider it a sign of respect, even it was taken used for remedial english at a community college. for that reason alone, however, it should have been an A+.

*************************************************************************************

At this point, your beloved Minx just got bored with the whole affair. I have bigger things to be worried about, and cannot be bothered with the likes of fascist reader. It doesn't mean that I am not seething with rage towards this clone...but I'd rather let you guys take care of it! So, darling readers, a request from me to you to not steal my work. Be forewarned.